Dani's Mind- Dare to Enter

New Semester

2012-01-25T15:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I can deny it no longer. A new semester has begun. But it's my last one! Of course I have the usual first week "syllabus need a brown bag to breath anxiety attack" but other than that it hasn't been too bad. With the new semester and the new year, I have some things I want to focus on. I realized at the end of last semester that I really could probably spend an hour less on papers/homework and get in a 40 minute run and 20 minutes of quiet time...and really be better off in the long run. If I graduate in May with a great GPA but the rest of my life is a mess, that's not good! So I ask that you keep me accountable. In one of my Bible studies we're going through Romans and in the other John, so that should be good for keeping me in the word. I am also reading a book called Contentment and it has short devotionals- perfect for when I have 5-10 minutes but not enough time for an in depth Bible Study. Other areas:

Toes- My toes/feet could probably be used in a nursing book for a bad case of something gross! (Is it sad that I've actually given that some thought because I could use the money?!). I am trying to be more diligent in using my nail medicine and lotion. Hopefully that helps!

Teeth- I have two fake teeth (and yes, I do realize that by admitting this my chance of finding a potential boyfriend diminishes greatly) and have been doing ok in keeping my gums and teeth healthy, but the flossing and extra care they need has been lacking. Don't want these fake babies to fall out. That would be even more attractive!

Tush/Tummy- I am making a concentrated effort to exercise more regularly. Recently I saw a quote that said "Somewhere there is someone busier than you who is running." So I'm trying to run 4 days a week and do strength training/Pilates/Jillian Micheals, 2 times a week. So far so good. Pant size hasn't shrunk yet, but hopefully my graduation I'll be slimmer!

Trust- This goes with what I was saying before (about being more intentional about quiet times), but it is such a hard area for me- trusting God for my day, for my future...for everything. It's so challenging, but I am striving to trust each day more and more.

Time- Again, goes with what mentioned above, but I need to keep better track of my time. Yes reading blogs, facebook, pinterest, and email are good things, but I can spend way too much time on them. I do have the time to get everything done in a day if I prioritize, set limits and keep focused. Hopefully this will translate into more blogging as well. I tend to think I don't have time to do it, when in fact I do if I would just get off facebook/pinterest and write something! (PS- I am going to start a segment "Deep Thought with Dani." Not sure what day of the week I'll try to post it, or it might be random, but be on the look out for some real "thought provoking" discussion.)

I think that about covers it. Don't be afraid to keep me accountable- ask me, encourage me, challenge me. The next few months will be intense, but I really want to end them being better spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically fit than I am now. Prayers appreciated!

Christmas

2012-01-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

So Christmas break at home was wonderful. The drive had a lot to be desired, but it was dry to and from and no major traffic. I got home Thursday evening before Christmas, and Mom, Dad, Alisha and I headed out around noon on Friday up north to Little Eden for the weekend. It was a great time- watching movies, shopping, running with Dad, and Alisha and I snow skiied (more on that later). The rest of break I worked for the boss man at PGC, saw friends and had family get togethers. It was all a lot of fun, but not nearly as relaxing as I would have liked. I got back to West Chester on Jan 9 and the past two weeks have worked at my internship. This past weekend I went with a few friends up to a cabin and it was so refreshing to just do nothing. We stayed up late, got up late, watched movies, listened to music, talked, ate good food, went on a walk, did crafty things...It was exactly what I had been missing from break at home. So perfect.

I start classes next week, so the fun and games will be over. This semester looks like it will be a challenging one- 4 classes and my internship. But it is the last one! Come May 14, school will be out forever! At least for me! :) I might do something more with licensure, and look into becoming a registered play therapist, but there will be no Dr.Dani Rupp in my future! So the countdown begins- 15 weeks. Piece of cake, right?

Now backtracking a bit to our adventures up north.

It snowed Friday night and Saturday morning was so pretty.

Break was so much fun with my lil sis!

Mom and Dad posing in front of our cabin.

It snowed just enough that 50% of the slopes were open. Alisha and I made the most of what was open and we were successful in staying off the closed ones.

Now the black diamond slopes have names like Nosebleed, Wipeout and Thor and it is really humbling when you are barely making it down slopes named Giggles, Honey Bear, and Emmy!

Alisha on the ski lift. Getting off and on the ski lift was one of the most challenging things of the day!

Well, that, and trying to get down black diamonds!!! Wipeout!

Brr! Cold ski lift!

Right after that picture was taken, I went to put the camera in the case, and then back in the plastic zip loc. But in the meantime, the zip loc fell off the back of chair! Alisha was laughing, but I was pretty concerned- my debit card, license, cash...all in the bag! She told me that I would find it more funny after we got it back. Thankfully she noticed right where it fell, so we skied down the slope and were able to find it. These things always happen to me!

We had such a great time and made so many memories. I am adjusting to life back on the east coast, but will always have a special place in my heart for home and family. You are never too old to miss home!

Merry Belated Holidays

2012-01-09T17:01:00.000-08:00

Can't believe the holidays are over! I was too busy living them to write about them. Hoping to get those posts up soon. Also hoping to still get Christmas gifts in the mail. Oops! But I guess a little extended holiday cheer has never hurt anyone. I should really work on something tonight. I have a long "to do" list that somehow did not manage to get itself done while I was at home. I'm drove back to PA yesterday and tonight I am just really tired and worn out. The drive, internship and adjusting back has tuckered me clear out. It is good to be back, but I would have loved some more time at home. I would appreciate your prayers as I start back into life here. I can already feel the stress starting to return! A good nights sleep will help that, but I also need to be focused and motivated the next two weeks so I am prepared and ready for the semester to start. Graduation- May 14! Work- The rest of my life! lol. Praying for God to give me the grace to enjoy, be content and appreciate this next semester. For now I'm going to be a nerd and go to bed and read a book. More later!

Masterpiece

2011-12-17T09:08:00.001-08:00

What do you think of when you hear the word "masterpiece"? A lot of images come to my mind. Van Gogh's Starry Night....

The Mona Lisa

The Sistine Chapel

All of these works took a long time, great effort and much determination. I hardly count myself in the realm of masterpieces. :)

Silly, yes. Child of God, yes. His creation, yes. But masterpiece? Really? Me?! Surely not. I doubt it.

But take a look at Ephesians 2: 10. "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." I was reading this in my quiet time the other day and cannot get it out of my mind.

God does not look down on us and say we are "ok" or "good enough" or "well, I guess that's as good as it's going to get." No, he calls us his masterpiece. Masterpiece- n. an outstanding work, the greatest work, outstanding achievement, work of art, workmanship, Dani (insert resounding rendition of "one of these things is not like the other").

I don't feel like a masterpiece. In fact most days I feel like a mess. I don't look like a masterpiece. More days than not are "brown paper bag" days (you know, those days your hair won't cooperate and your face is broken out and nothing looks right and if you must leave the house it would just be easier to put a brown paper bag with holes cut out for a mouth and eyes over your head.) I don't act like I'm a masterpiece. Most days I am critical of myself. But yet God claims me as His masterpiece. The King of Kings, Lord of Lords, great Creator of the universe, looks down at little old me and says "Yes, she might be a little rough around the edges, she might need a little work here or there, but I made her and to me she is perfect. She is my masterpiece, created to do the good things I have planned for her."

There is such a huge gap between what God sees when he sees me in comparison to how I see myself. I see scars, blemishes, too much fat here, not enough there...And that's just the outside. Don't even get me started on the icky stuff that creeps into my heart. Yet God knows all of that, and yes he wants to change and transform me. And for sure he desires that I take care of my body and keep it healthy He wants me to keep working on my weakness and growing in Him, but he says I am His, and He does not just merely claim me saying "yeah, that girl over there, I guess she's mine..." But he calls me his child, He calls me by name, and He calls me a masterpiece.

Look at it this way. For a minute pretend a miracle happened and I was able to create a piece of art that was more in depth than cutting and pasting or coloring. And let's say a little bit of Disney magic was in the air and this piece of art could talk. So I spend hours on this work of art. I touch up here and add something there. And finally with a sigh I say "It is done!" I sit back to admire my work, to take it all in. And then this piece of art, this canvas I have slaved over and poured into, says "Hey you. I want to see myself." And let' s pretend that a canvas talking to me is normal and that I'm not crazy and I don't go running from the room. So I bring out a mirror...so excited. Waiting. Anticipating. Knowing I created something wonderful, perfect in my image and so unique that nothing will ever come close to replicating it. The canvas looks in the mirror and looks shocked. "I am no masterpiece!" it cries. "Look at this spot and look at that over there. Oh, no! This will not do!" "But you don't understand." I plea "I spent hours and days and weeks on you. You are perfect. I want that chip there. I want that mark there. It give you character. It makes you unique. It makes you, you- separate from all other canvases." But the canvas, unable to be consoled, begins to cry and continues to criticize. "I hate myself. I don't want to look like this. I want to be taller, narrower, more green here and less orange there. Shade this part and redo that part." I, the artist, am crushed. I am hurt. I want nothing more than this piece of art, this masterpiece, to take delight in what I have made. To approve and shine with confidence. I worked so hard, poured in so much, see so much potential...and the piece of art sees none of it. Not only that, but this piece of art refuses to show itself to the world. It does not want to be on display, and will only do so if it is covered with a piece of brown paper canvas. It is a masterpiece, but insists on living like the scum of the earth.

Oh how my actions and thoughts about myself must grieve God. He has so much more for me than I allow Him to give me. He has so much He wants to do in and through and around me. I am so unbelievably humbled and challenges by this.

And I challenge you to put your name in this verse. Make it personal and start to live it. And maybe you already are and that's great. Then encourage those of us who struggle. Remind us who are maker is and, that while we should always be striving for growth and transformation, God has called us His masterpiece.

For Dani is God's masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so that I can do the good things he planned for me long ago.

Claim it! Believe it! Live it!

Lady In Waiting

2011-12-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

I get tired of waiting

Will my number ever be called?

When will it be my day?

My time?

My love?

God, what are you trying to teach me?

What am I not understanding?

I want to hurry it up

Move on

Rush forward

But that's not Your plan

My plan rarely is

So I sit here and wait

And pray

And trust

While I wait, I will stand firm

I will learn to love You more

And embrace who I am in You

Your daughter

Your beloved

And I will celebrate

Because my number will be called

And I trust my day will come

In Your time

Bound in Your love

Matt Redman: Never Once - Official Lyric Video

2011-12-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

Never Once

2011-12-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

Never Once

Matt Redman

Standing on the mountaintop

Looking just how far we'v come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

I was listening to this song this morning as I got ready for church and was overcome by God's faithfulness in my life. This past couple of months have been a challenge and a struggle. Many ups and downs. Good days and not so good. School, life, internship, walking through tough times with people I hold dear...Yet my heart can say that I never walked alone and God was so faithful and I am so blessed. I look back and see God's fingerprints all of the place. I might have felt alone, but there is no doubt in my mind that I most certainly never was. Even when I was stubborn, thinking I could do things on my own, and left God in the backseat, He was still there. I am so humbled by His mercy, His grace and His faithfulness.

It was God who brought me through this last semester. The papers, presentations, interactions with classmates, my internship (which I did not expect to be so overwhelmingly draining!)...And I have learned and grown so much. A few things I've learned:

- How to park my car in a tight spot and not hit the family car behind me!

- That walking to class in the rain can be good for fresh air, but you might just get hit by a tidal wave from a car hitting a puddle at 45 mph.

- Wandering out in the middle of the night to pee while camping might not be the best idea.

- Even at 26 years of age, you can still feel homesick and miss family.

- That you are never too old to have your mom proofread your homework.

- I don't know how I managed to live to age 26 without a GPS. It has saved me on numerous occasions- driving in a new area can be tricky!

- Hills that go up don't necessarily go back down.

- Papers don't write themselves, even if you do pray and ask God for a miracle.

- God might not write your paper, but he does care even about those little things and will help you get it done!

- Always make sure to proofread, even emails. I may or may not have sent an email to a prof that said "Hell Dr...." Instead of "Hello Dr...."

- The end of your rope is just the beginning of God's

- Standing under mistletoe does not guarantee you'll get a kiss

(Ok, so I made that one up. I haven't actually done it. Not for lack of thinking about it. I just have too good of friends who won't let me!)

Hmmm. I think that's about it. But through it all the biggest thing I've learned is that God is faithful and will provide- whether that be energy, friends, a clear mind, wisdom, discernment....It all comes from Him. And I am thankful for every one of you and your prayers, support, letters, packages and love. We did it! One more semester to go! But for now, I'm not going to think about that. I think instead I'll head downstairs, grab a cup of coffee and help decorate the Christmas tree....

Then tomorrow I might want to start thinking about starting my Christmas shopping....

Giving Thanks

2011-11-24T07:48:00.000-08:00

Well, this time of year has rolled around again. The time when we all get together with family, eat too much food, watch football, and endure little sleep and massive, crazy crowds to get that one good deal we can't live without.

It has always bugged me how early Christmas music, decorations and promotions start. I had a friend who heard Christmas music in a store in October! Thanksgiving gets totally overlooked. But it's more than Thanksgiving feeling left out. I think Thanksgiving was strategically placed in our calendars. It is a time to stop, reflect, and be truly thankful for everything God has given us before the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season begins. It serves to ground us in what is really important, to remind us of our priorities, and keep everything in perspective, which is very difficult during the holiday season. It is so easy to get caught up in the gift buying, food making, and house cleaning that you forget why you do any of it. So I encourage you to take time today and make a list. It may sound cheesy, but do it anyway. Write down what you are thankful for and keep the list. Refer to it often, especially when the stress of the holidays is high. Remember what is important, who is important and at the end of the day, what really matters.

I am thankful for:

- Eternal life- I am so grateful that my Savior took my sin and died for me so that I may have eternal life. I also have the peace and comfort of knowing that I will once again see those who have made a commitment to Christ in heaven.

- Salvation- Along those same lines, I have the privilege to be in communion and in a personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe! He is my source of strength, guidance and refuge.

- Religious Freedom- Many places cannot freely meet and worship. I am free to share my faith and worship as I please.

- Bible Study girls at home and Community Group here- Fellowship with other believers is such a gift.

- A strong Christian heritage. I did a family genogram for a class in grad school and it was amazing to actually see how many generations have passed this down. Not many can say that!

- Family- along those same lines, not many can get together with extended family and get along as well as both sides of my family do. Not only that, but we have a good time! Laughing, sharing, and praying for one another. A huge blessing in my life!

- My childhood- This might seem odd, but I am working in an agency that helps children who have mental health needs. Some of them have the saddest, most heart breaking stories. Sometimes just reading their case notes about brings me to tears. The abuse, neglect, abandonment, violence...I ache for the hurt and pain these kids have gone through and thank God that he sparred me that kind of a history. It is becoming more and more apparent that my loving, caring, affectionate, supportive and carefree childhood is becoming the exception, not the norm. Hug your kids extra tight today!

- My Mom and Dad- they are always there for me, to listen, encourage and offer advice. I know they pray for me, love me, and are proud of me. You never get too old for that! I love you!

- My siblings- they are great! Even though we're kind of spread out right now, we still manage to stay in touch. I love you!

- Friends- all over the United States and the world! Indiana, Texas, Michigan, PA, Ohio, Nebraska, Florida, California, Mexico, Venezuela, Guatemala...the list could go on and on. The warmth of friendship means so much!

- Education- As much as I complain about it, I am grateful for the opportunity to go to Grad School. It has been a great opportunity to increase my knowledge and learn more. I am even thankful for loans without which I would not have been able to go back to school. Though I will be paying them back for the rest of eternity!

- Health and safety. I am healthy and God has kept me safe through many adventures. I also have the physical ability to run and exercise and even though I often don't have or make the time to do so, it is something that should not be taken for granted.

- The beautiful fall colors and mountains of PA

- A warm, cozy house with a family who I get along great with! Such a blessing to me!

- Support from so many in my life!

- This might seem silly, but from all my travels I'm really grateful for toilets that flush, toilet paper that goes in the toilet, hot showers, a car to get from point A to point B, and cereal!

I could probably go on and on, but that's a pretty decent list.

Lord, may I always have a thankful heart in all things- the mountain tops and the valleys, the good and the bad, the times of stress and of rest. My circumstances may change, but may my heart be ever faithful and thankful to You.

heaven

2011-10-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

Wow! Two posts in one day. I'm either really procrastinating or inspired. Probably procrastinating! Anyway this past weekend I attended a retreat for young adults at the church I've been going to- Covenant Fellowship. The topic was Heaven and it was such a powerful and emotional weekend. It was refreshing to fellowship with other believers, the worship was so meaningful and the speakers did an excellent job of covering different aspects of heaven. I was very challenged and yet at the same time renewed.

For the first time I made a pretty basic connection even though I've been a Christian since I was little. I realized that not only did Christ's death on the cross make it possible for me to be saved, it made it possible for me to go to heaven. But not only that, it was because of his death that I have hope that those I love who have died are in heaven. I usually equate the cross with salvation and me going to heaven someday, but as we sang about heaven and worshiped I was overcome with gratitude for Christ's work on the cross. Because of his willingness to experience hell I don't have to, and more than that I have peace and hope when it comes to death. I was especially thinking of Grandma and Grandpa Gnagey and that because of Jesus taking the penalty for sin, I know they are in heaven and that is such a comfort. I thought of them a lot, did a lot of crying and grieving, but it wasn't a distraught grief- it was an "I miss them, but I'm so glad they are in heaven" grief. I closed my eyes and saw them in heaven, worshiping, bodies and minds made new, no more tears, no more pain and I wept at the beauty of it all and in gratitude for what my Savior has done for me and them.

Thank you Jesus for enduring the cross and for loving a wretched sinner like me.

Below are two wonderful Matt Redmen songs we sang this past weekend. May your hearts be encouraged by them.

Endless Hallelujah - Matt Redman - Lyrics

2011-10-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Holy- Matt Redman

2011-10-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Monte DOES NOT Like White Rain!

2011-10-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

And neither do I!

I especially don't like it when I use my windshield wipers to clear off the white rain (I refuse to say the "s" word before the end of November!) and my blades come off...both blades. And it was cold, dare, white raining and I was NOT happy. Thankfully I was at church and a nice boy came out and helped me attach the blades so I could drive home safely since it was still white raining! Today the sun is out and most of it is gone and it was a balmy 23 degrees this morning but supposed to warm up to 53. That I can handle. Good bye white rain and good riddance!

Wonder...

2011-10-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder.

Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of your universe.

Delight me to see how Your Christ plays in ten thousand places...

Each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number.

I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder of it all.

- Joshua Abraham Heschel (in Ragamuffin Gospel)

Lord, You try to speak to me through so many ways. Most of which I'm blind too. Too caught up in the moment, day's stresses and tasks. Open my eyes to see You and how You're working. I ask that just like how scales fell from Paul's eyes and cured his blindness, remove the barriers from my eyes so I can see clearly. May I be daily brought to my knees in wonder over what you have done for me and what you are actively doing in my life. May I take a moment to breath and notice Your creation, the innocence of a baby, the older couple holding hands...all the little things in life. And may I most of all be amazed by Your grace, Your love and Your forgiveness, without which I would be a much bigger mess than I am now. Grant that I never become calloused to the work you did on the cross. You are here with me and showing me your love in a million different ways. Give me eyes to see.

Hebrews Recited

2011-10-21T06:41:00.000-07:00

A proper update about my time in New Orleans over Fall Break and Kelly's visit last weekend is coming! I promise! Until then, I wanted to quickly post a sermon from the church I attend. A few weeks back one of the pastors recited Hebrews from memory. It was definitely more than a recitation though. He preached it! I found it very powerful. You might not have time to listen to the whole thing, but take a peak and be encouraged from the truths in Hebrews.

http://www.covfel.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=170787

2011-10-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

Lots Going On.

Very Tired.

Will Write More Later.

That's All I Got.

The End.

When the Parentals came to PA

2011-09-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

So, this is really late in getting posted. I've had the pictures loaded for a good week, but am just now making time to write! A couple weekends ago my parents made the jaunt out to PA. Like my brother said "If I'm going to drive 9 hours I better be somewhere cooler than the next state over!" It is quite a haul out here but I'm so glad they made the effort. They came part way on Thursday and the rest on Friday, stopping at my great and uncles for lunch before getting to me in West Chester. We relaxed at the house for awhile and then walked to downtown West Chester, stopping at different shops and boutiques. Of course, we took a pit stop at Kiwi (a frozen yogurt place that offers around 20 flavors and toppings and you pay by the ounce) and shared a little snack. We ended up eating outside at one of the local restaurants and it was very good. We walked around a little bit more, but we were kind of hobbling by then. Dad has a bad ankle, mom got burnt on her leg the week before (and it looked really ouchy!) and my ankle was still bruised and swollen from the soccer kick incident (and it still kind of is...). It wasn't long before we decided to head back to the house.

We did make one more stop at a homemade ice cream place called Scooped and shared a scoop of ice cream. It was heavenly.

Saturday morning we had decided to head into Philly for the day. We got a "break of dawn" start at around 10:30! I couldn't help but think of my friend Kelly and her parents. By that point they would have exercised, eaten breakfast, showered and been in Philly for a few hours! But anyway, we figured out where a train station was and took the train into the city, which made dad happy as he hates all the traffic and lights!

Dad- very happy to be waiting for the train, not waiting at a light

Anyway, we arrived and wandered around Reading Market before moseying more into the city and eventually down to a famous Cheesesteak restaurant named Jim's. I'd been there when I came to Philly for a conference back in college. Their steaks are amazing! Unfortunately by the time we got there it was 1:40 and a lot of other people had that same idea. There was a huge line! The people at the end of the line thought it would be about an hour wait.

We were already hungry and had to get back to meet up with the family I live with for supper, so we decided on Plan B. Plan B was one of the closest other restaurants we could find...which was Blarney's. It never seems to fail that my parents and I find the randomest places to eat. I find it ironic that they boast the best cheesesteaks on south street. We tried one of those "best" cheesesteaks and were not impressed! Next time the parents visit we will have to go to Jims!

The next failure was trying to find water ice or gelato. It's the Philly thing, and I could not find them...so did the next best thing- got ice cream at Reading Market!

It was about time to leave by then and we headed back to the train station. We had a bit of an adventure getting back as the train only went back to where we had parked the car about once an hour so we improvised and eventually met up with my "host" family for supper. We ate at a family style Italian restaurant and then called it a night.

Sunday we went to church at Covenant Fellowship and my Dad's cousin Doug spoke during the service on behalf of the ministry he is in charge of- Covenant Mercies. That was really neat. Mom and Dad left soon after to go back to the great state of O-H-I-O. I on the other hand took a nap and worked on homework.

More of an update on my life lately later!

Audrey Assad - Restless (Slideshow With Lyrics)

2011-09-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

Feeling discontent and restless tonight...Love this song. Such a great reminder. May you rest in our loving, powerful Savior as a new week begins.

Girl Lost 10 Feet From Tent

2011-09-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

It might not have made national news, but that sure could have been a headline from my life this past weekend. Sunday afternoon I met up with some of the people in my community group (small group at Covenant Fellowship- the church I attend) at a park for some recreation against another church. We were going to play ultimate frisbee, but it was too windy, so we decided on soccer. Mind you, I haven't played soccer since 5th grade! I was lucky enough to play defense for the first bit and then subbed out for awhile. When I came back in I had to play offense! I may or may not have hidden behind members of the other team so that I wouldn't get passed to! I did manage to get a few kicks (and in the right direction no less!) but had my fair share of ball wiffs. My teammates would yell "Take your time. You've got time." which was very encouraging, but that still didn't mean I could make my feet do what I wanted them to! It was a lot of fun though and I only completely wiped out once (like "stopped the game, made sure I was ok, very embarrassing" wipe out) and only got kicked in the ankle once, which is still sore, slightly swollen and bruised...Soccer is not a sport for wimps!

About 4 of us left from there to meet up with some other people from the community group to go camping. We camped at a park about 45 minutes away. Weather was calling for rain, but we decided to take our chances. The site was really nice and we explored a little and mostly sat around the campfire talking, eating and laughing a lot. We failed to adhere to the 9pm "quiet time" ordinance though and Mr. Ranger Joe had to come ask us to keep it down. But that only happened once. About 1ish (am) it started to rain so we headed to the tents. The poor boys' tent was this old thing that leaked water! They got a tarp and tried to stay dry during the night as it poured.The girls tent was mostly dry but I could not seem to get comfortable and though I'm sure I slept more than what I felt, I was really restless. Finally about 4:30 am the rain let up and my discomfort was increasing as my bladder was also full. I decided that if there was any hope at all for me get some sleep, I would need to take care of that. I maneuvered out of the tent (no small feat) and decided to use the woods as my um toilet as the bathrooms were a little ways away and I didn't want to walk that far alone.Using a lantern I found a spot, did my business and turned around to head back to the tent. Unfortunately I had followed a bit of a worn path into the woods and instead of following it back, I headed in the right direction, but not the right angle...or something. I still don't know what I did exactly. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised by this story (my cross country nickname was Daniel Boone because I was always getting lost). Anyway, I headed in what I thought was the right direction, but did not get to a clearing. I turned around to backtrack my steps, but even with the lantern was soon very turned around. I knew the tent had to be close by, but it was a cloudy night and all's I had was this little lantern and my lack of directional sense. I tried to stay calm and start over, but soon ran into a fallen down tree, which I had not passed going out on my little expedition. At this point I'm starting to panic a little bit. It was kind of scary and yet I felt so stupid because I knew I was within yards of the camp site, but could not figure out how to get there. I definitely started praying...mostly because I wanted to find my way back...but also because I didn't want anyone else to have to know I had gotten lost. It didn't take long before I realized #1- the more I moved around the more confused I got and #2- none of the girls knew I had left the tent. If they didn't wake up and find me gone I would be spending the rest of the night in the woods until it got light enough for me to see. So I did what any independent, stubborn girl would do...I yelled for help! The first time it was kind of soft "Hey girls..." and I called each of their names. As I stumbled around for a few more minutes and got no where my next call was more urgent. Thankfully they heard me that time and shined a cell phone to the side of the tent. I was embarrassingly close to the camp site, but at that point I didn't care. I was so grateful to get back in the tent! Usually these kind of things wouldn't bother me, especially with close friends, but I was just getting to know this group and didn't want to me known as "the girl who got lost 10 feet from her tent"! Oh the ways God teaches us humility! The next morning we all got a pretty good laugh about it, but as stupid as it sounds, it really was kind of scary! But God provided and I not only made it back to West Chester in once piece, I also made some pretty good friends...most of whom will always remember me and hopefully not just as "the girl lost 10 feet from tent"!

Boys

2011-09-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

So, as most you know (really all of you should know) I came to PA a single woman... Now the main reason was to go to grad school and live in a new state for awhile- an adventure of sorts. But I'm not going to lie, I was hoping for a new "pool of guys" as well. There are some very nice Ohio boys back home...just none that I'm interested in or that have shown any interest in me. On to new territory! Well after 4 long months....

I'm still waiting! I know these things take time and guys just aren't going to fall from the sky...though that would be nice. Kind of like the whole manna thing, but with eligible guys. Might have to take that one up with God. But seriously, I've only met a handful of guys since being here and even basic friendships have yet to form. I'm being patient...at least trying to be. And tonight was a night that I was thinking about how nice it would be to have a date. I was walking downtown with the woman I rent from and we were chatting and eating ice cream. Everyone was out and about- Friday night out on the town. Groups of girls all dressed up, couples holding hands. "That would be fun," I thought to myself...and then looked down. I had spent the whole day at the house and had just popped out with my friend for a few errands and ice cream. Hadn't given a second thought to what I was wearing. Definitely a red t-shirt that says "Enjoy Cous Cous" (instead of Coca Cola) from my Harrisburg Discipleship Center training and my long, baggy Gonzaga basketball shorts. Now there's nothing wrong with that, but everyone downtown was at least little dressed up and I couldn't help but laugh and then cringe a little bit. I wasn't exactly doing myself any favors in my quest to find a guy! But really that is my philosophy. I figure that if for a first date I get all "dolled up" and go the extra mile, the guy will expect that every time and that just takes too much time and effort for me to do on a regular basis. Do you know how much pressure that puts on a girl!? Anyone who knows me knows that that kind of high maintenance is not in my repertoire, especially if it means I can get 5 more minutes of sleep! So the way I see it, if I meet a guy au naturale, then his expectations will be pretty low and when I do put a little more effort into my looks he'll be blown away. It will be special instead of expected. So that's my philosophy, but obviously I'm still single, so don't ask how it's working out for me!

And that's my two cents for tonight. Over and out from the girl who chooses comfy over style any day!

Still Here

2011-08-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

I kind of forgot to update since the storm rolled through on Saturday. It rained pretty much all day on Saturday and in the evening the wind and rain picked up. We lost power around 8pm, so it was a pretty early night for me. The couple I'm staying with had a longer night as they had to dig a trench in the back yard to keep the water from breaking a basement window. Power came back on around 4am and when I woke up in the morning I was surprised that there wasn't more standing water. Every time I woke up during the night I heard the rain just pounding, but there wasn't any flooding. The wind knocked down a few branches, but nothing hit the house. Church was cancelled due to the uncertain weather, so I spent the morning relaxing and had a family church service with the family I'm staying with. We cleaned up some of the backyard and I then I took a nap. I am so thankful it wasn't worse and though it was a bit of an adventure, the biggest challenge was that the family dog freaked out during the storm and peed on the floor and puked in his crate. Poor guy was pretty worked up!

West Chester fared pretty well, so classes started on as scheduled on Monday. It has been so weird walking around campus with all these other students. All summer campus has pretty much been dead, and now there are people everywhere! Crowding my sidewalk when I'm running, in my way on my walk to class, smoking in front of buildings...They have taken over! lol. It's going to take some getting used to. So far I've had Advanced Research Methods which I will have to do a research project for. Oh Happy Day! It is actually broken down nicely and doesn't look too too bad, but research is not my cup of tea, so it will be a challenge. Tonight I had Advanced Practice with Individuals. Should be interesting. Tomorrow night is Advanced Practice with Families (from 7pm-10pm! Yikes!). For some reason they think I'm advanced in all these things. I don't really know about that, but I'm paying for the class, so I guess I'll fake it. The rest of the week looks pretty open. I don't start my internship until Sept 15, so it's the calm before the storm. My placement will be at an agency called Child Guidance Resource Center and I'll be an outpatient therapist for kids with behavioral and/ or mental issues. I'm excited to get started so the wait is a little trying.

Other than that I've just been enjoying the cooler weather here- pleasant runs, camp fires, walking and not sweating off half my body weight...things like that. Oh, one more thing. I keep a wall of cards I get from people:

I think it's pretty cool. Thanks to everyone who has sent me mail! I get so exicted! So, if you send me something, it'll be put up on this awesome wall of recognition (hint hint. :) )!

Reo Speedwagon - "Ridin' the Storm"

2011-08-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back in PA and it looks like Hurricane Irene might hit sometime today into tomorrow. Thanks to my dad's love for REO Speedwagon I can never think of a storm coming without getting this song stuck in my head. So let loose and head bang to "Ridin' the Storm Out"!

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jog

2011-08-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

I don't have a clue what that Jiggity Jog means, but felt it was appropriate. I made it home last evening around 5:30, making the trip around 9 hours. I stopped three times over the course of that time. The early afternoon hours were the toughest. I was advised to get some books on tape and I might try to get some for the return trip. I just listened to the radio, munched on crunchy food and called people to pass the time. Anyway you look at it, the PA turnpike to the OH turnpike is a long stretch. At least there was little to no chance of me getting lost!

Mom and Dad hosted a neighborhood party last night and that was a fun time. It was good to see people I haven't seen in a long time. Today I slept in, lounged around, took a nap and was planning on going skiing at the river tonight, but it stormed and is now actually chilly! Go figure that I've been stuck in hot PA with no water nearby and finally get home near water and the weather doesn't cooperate! That's ok- I really need to start packing for Venezuela! I hope to be able to post from there, but if not, I'll be sure to post pictures and update in a week or so when I get back. Alisha gets home from Slovakia next week, so the whole Rupp Clan will be home for about 3 days! Yeah! Adios! (gotta practice my Spanish!)

DUN- DONE!

2011-08-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

How's that for some advanced spelling! What do expect from a grad student?! It's not like I'm going for my Doctorate!

Well, I now have 12 credits to my name in the Advanced Standing Social Work Grad Program at West Chester University. Yeah, it sounds a lot more prestigious than it is! (The other day another student asked if I was an advanced student. I laughed and told her I was a mediocre student in the Advanced Standing Program). At least I hope I have 12 credits. I guess I haven't officially passed the last class...hopefully that won't be a problem.

I need to pack yet and try to go to bed early and then tomorrow I'm heading home to NW Ohio for a few weeks. I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow as this is my first time driving 10 hours by myself. I'm a little nervous, but think I'll do ok. There just might be lots of stops and maybe an power nap at some point.

More later, from the corn fields of Ohio!

La Di Da

2011-07-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

Hello

Just a quick update. I'm going to try to be better about writing on here, but honestly #1 My life isn't all that exciting and #2 Grad school pretty much sucks up all my creative/deep thought energies.

Let's see. Last week I finished up a class on mental illness and managed to get through it without going insane. Starting tomorrow I have a one week class- Social Work and Disasters. I think it's going to be pretty interesting and we're going to do a lot of stuff with the Red Cross and get some training. But the class is from 8am to 5pm. No more sleeping in for me! After the class is over I have 2 assignment to do and I'm hoping to get those done over the weekend so I can head home on Monday August 8. I'll be home until the 11th when I head to Venezuela for a quick visit with Kirsten (who was my teammate when I went before). I'll get back and have about a week to fit all the rest of summer in- lots of seeing people, skiing and bon fires I hope! Then it's back to West Chester to start my fall semester!

Other than school I've been hanging out with some friends I have made here and trying to stay cool in this crazy heat. Jillian Michaels workout DVD's have been my main source of exercise lately as it is too hot to run once I get up and evenings aren't much better. I'm hoping it cools down soon so that I can get back into a good running routine, though Jillian does kick my butt!

More later. I can promise it will be just about as exciting as this update though!

Be All I Need

2011-07-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

* Wrote this back in the day. Ran across it today. Thought it was fitting.

Be All I Need

Sometimes I get confused
And think I am the strong tower
I look to myself for strength
I am stubborn

"I can do it!" I say
And shout "I am strong!"
"I don't need help!" I insist
But those are all lies

Lord, bring me to my knees
Break me so I can be rebuilt
Rebuilt in Your image
And not my own

When I am weak, You are strong
But for You to be strong
I must admit I'm weak
Weaken me so I rely on You

For the place of greatest strength
Is not standing upright
But facedown on the ground
Seeking You

Be all I need Lord
When I am strong
When I am weak
When I am surrounded
When I am alone
Be my bread
My breath
Be all I need

Chris Tomlin - Take My Life

2011-07-15T13:58:00.000-07:00

Trust

2011-07-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

Trust and obey. Sound like such simple commands. And yet I have spent the majority of my life failing miserably! I have read books and prayed, but yet daily I find myself trusting in none other than little ole me while God sits on the back burner for emergency use only. The other day I was thinking about the future- school...what's next...guys...and I was working myself up into a pretty good frenzy and then all of a sudden it dawned on me how little I trust God to take care of me. Here I am trusting in what little knowledge I have and the tiny piece of the puzzle I hold and God, who created the whole universe in 7 days, mind you, has it all figured out. All's he asks is for me to trust. To put things in his capable hands and LEAVE it there. Yeah...that's "all." A hard task indeed. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." I know this and quote it to myself quite often...and then I'm off on my on little path, trusting myself, those around me, my circumstances. I know it, but I don't live it. He has proven himself over and over to me. He is faithful. He has good things for me. He is trustworthy and surely can run my life better than I can. But somehow in my fallen humanness I think I've got it all under control. Or I know I don't and I freak out about it. God wants me to have peace so badly and he asks only one thing- that I trust Him and allow Him to work.

Trust that He is enough. Not God plus myself.Not God plus a career Not God plus a guy. Not guy plus this or plus that. I need to trust the future He has for me and rest in that. Yet, I am always searching for more.

So here's little me. Still learning about trust and surrender. Still trying to trek down the path God has set before me. I just wish it didn't involve so much stumbling and falling! :)

Update

2011-07-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot new to report.

I finished the first summer session...and survived! Now I'm about half way done with summer session II, though it's a lot easier because I am just taking one class- Mental Health. So far I've managed to refrain from diagnosing myself and all those around me. :) It's a fairly interesting class and not too hard, yet anyway.

For the Fourth of July I went home with a friend I have made in the master's program. She lives in Lancaster and that was a nice get away. I met some of her friends, went putt putting, saw fireworks, had a campfire...late nights and late mornings! But a lot of fun and a good time. This past weekend was pretty laid back. Ran errands, did homework. Last night I went to visit my great aunt and uncle- Doyle and Marlene. We had a yummy supper and played 7's- a card game. I lost miserably. Of course we had ice cream to end the night and it had cooled off enough to sit outside. They have a great view. I enjoy seeing the fields and it's nice because it is also hilly. Something familiar with something new.

It has been really warm here and I have not been able to get out of bed to go run before it's already 80*. I'm hoping to get to bed earlier tonight and hit the pavement in the morning before the sun get's too intense. I don't think it's going to be a whole lot cooler, but less sun makes a difference. I just hate getting out of bed!

Other than that, not a whole lot going on. I'm looking forward to August and going to Venezuela with my friend Kirsten and being at home- seeing family and friends and doing some water skiing.

I'll try to update more frequently now that I have a little more time. Writing is a good outlet for me and a lot more constructive than stalking people on Facebook! Thanks for all of you who have sent me letters and who are praying for me. I've settled in pretty nicely now, but still appreciate your prayers. Some days are definitely easier than others. Until the next time...

Grandma's Pictures

2011-06-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

Here's the link to my marathon running photos. Hope it works.

http://www.marathonfoto.com/index.cfm?action=site.login&RaceOID=13272011S1&LastName=RUPP&BibNumber=F7021&spMAILINGID=36518536&spUserID=ODY3MTk1NjA0MgS2&spJOBID=104401929&spREPORTID=MTA0NDAxOTI5S0

Kelly and I at the famous Grandma's Restaurant in Duluth. Ain't she purtty!

Kisses for Granny!

Trying to act like grannies.

Not too shabby for 5ish in the morning!

Sweaty messes, but we made it!

All cleaned up!

Scenic drive after the race. We drove the course. It even seemed long in the car! And contrary to popular belief, there were hills!

Happy Belated Anniversary!

2011-06-26T16:51:00.001-07:00

28 years ago my mom and dad said "I Do." It sure took long enough- 5 years of dating, but they did it! And just when they thought their lives couldn't get anymore blessed, a year and a halfish later I came along! Anyway, this post isn't about me. It's about them. I know their marriage isn't perfect, but they have set such an awesome example for me and it's partly their fault my standards are so high! I love them so much and admire all the work and love they put into their marriage and how much they both love the Lord. I'm hoping to still be celebrating their anniversary in 28 more years!

Grandma's Marathon

2011-06-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Well, Grandma's lived up to it's name. I am now walking like an old grandma! Ouch! Legs and feet are a bit sore, but I made it. It was a challenge for sure. Time was my slowest marathon (this was my fourth) of 3:59, but I was just happy to finish. My legs did not want to go, but I made them. Pride can be a good thing sometimes. :) The course was hilly- thank goodness that PA has helped me train for that, but it still took a lot out of me. It was pouring down rain early this morning, but thankfully let up by the time we got to the race. Weather was almost perfect- wind at our backs, low 40's and no rain. It was a bit humid, but I guess I can't complain too much. The race was well organized and water stations and everything went really smoothly- no choking on water today! Lots of fan support, which was great. Thanks for all of your support and prayers too! Pictures to come. For now, off to get some food and relax...better enjoy it today because this week is going to be a killer with school work!

Yes! You can do IT!

2011-06-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

This is such a great card that my sister sent to me (along with the greatest care package ever!). I have it posted above my desk. 3 weeks down! 2 to go! 2 group presentations done, just a novel analysis, integrative paper, journals, 2 small papers and final exam to go...:) It's been a pretty good week. Looking to get a lot done this weekend as next weekend I'll be gone to Duluth, MN with Kelly to run Grandma's Marathon! Then back for one week of class and summer session I will be done! Thanks for all the prayers! More later!

Hey God...

2011-06-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

Hey God, I’m ready

You’re ready…

Yup, I’m ready

Really…

Well, yeah. I mean I’m 26 years old. I think I’m ready to meet a guy and get married ya know.

You do?

Uh huh. And really, I think I’ve got the situation under control. I mean I’m ready, so I think I’m just going to go for it.

You are? What usually happens when you go ahead of me?

Well, I usually end up screwing it up really bad and making a big mess and come crying back to you and you have to fix it. But that’s not going to happen this time.

Why not?

Because I’m ready. Haven’t you been listening?

Hmmm…

I think I’d make a really good wife. I would hardly ever nag and I’d even let him be right… every once in awhile. And I’d be submissive, except if I didn’t agree with him…I mean I’m basically ready….Ok, so not really. But if we wait until I get all that down I’m going to be toothless in a wheelchair before I meet Mr. Right. And with my history with teeth, that might not be too far down the road.

But you still think you’re ready.

I really, really do. And I think that maybe just this time you might be wrong. And that’s ok God, because I won’t tell anyone. I’m wrong all the time. It’s not that big of a deal. I mean, isn’t there some rule that once in everyone’s life they get to be right and you’re well….not so much? So this is going to be my turn at being right. There I said it: I’m turning in my being right card and won’t ever bring it up again.

Really…I’m not sure it works like that.

Oh, I know God, but I just get so tired of waiting sometimes. And I know I thought I was ready in high school and in college, but I guess I really wasn’t. But now I am. And I’m lonely and just so want to meet someone, get married and start a family. And I just really, really want someone and I think it’s time. Please! (think 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum)

Are you done?

No, not quite.

I’m scared that I’ll never find someone. I start to wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Am I that hideous and repulsive? Am I really that annoying and unlovable? Why is it taking so daggone long? I mean, I’m not asking for that much. Just a little miracle. I mean you parted the red sea and in comparison to that this should be an easy one. I am tired of waiting!

Now are you done and ready to be still?

Sigh- yeah I guess. Well as still as I get.

I know all these things dear one. I know. I know every desire of your heart because I put them there. I know how you ache for someone special. I know how you love kids and worry that if you don’t find someone soon you’ll end up being the old, uncool mom who won’t have an empty nest until you’re 60. I know all these things and I do have someone special for you.

If you know all that then why don’t we get something started here?

Be patient. I just ask that you wait a little longer. He’s out there I promise. Just abide in me, trust me and it will be better than you ever imagined.

Hmmm…Ok God. I guess I could wait a little while longer.

Thank you for your obedience my daughter. You will be rewarded.

Oh God, one more thing

*sigh* Yes…

Any chance of getting a time table on all of this?

As of Late...

2011-05-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

This pretty much sums it up!

So classes started this week and I did indeed survive. I am taking a Bridges course which is supposed to get me ready to jump in with both feet come fall. Right now I feel about like I'm prepared to jump in with my big toe...hopefully that changes. The other class is Dialectic of Oppression and Liberation. So far that's been really interesting and had lots of discussion. But really, any way you look at it, 4-8 is a long time to be in class! Most days I've been getting up around 7- I know! Shocker! But huge amounts of homework has a way of motivating me. I go for a run, have breakfast/coffee, do some quiet time and then spend most of my day reading, writing and doing various other things that are going to make me, in fact, the best social worker this world has ever seen. It's about a 15 minute walk to class and then four hours of riveting class, back home for supper and more homework. So there you have it. My very adventurous life as a student. I'm looking forward to the long weekend and maybe doing some more exploring downtown. Though it's been really hot here and going to be almost 100 on Monday...the beach (actually "the shore" I've been informed) might be a better option. Or maybe sleeping in and...doing more homework...or maybe I'll take the day off...oh the decisions...

Your Name Alone Can Save

2011-05-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

We sang this song yesterday at church and it was such a great reminder. So many times I try to save myself or look for ways to secure my salvation. I try to make it so complicated when in fact it is so simple- Cry out to Jesus. Nothing else will work. Check out these powerful lyrics.

Verse1

When we were dead in our transgressions

Jesus, You came to bring us back to God

You canceled the debt that stood against us

Set it aside, nailing it to the cross

Now with joy we can proclaim

Chorus

You've overcome the grave

You took our curse away

There is no other name by which we're saved

For in Your death we died

In You we have new life

Jesus, Your name alone can save

Verse 2

Now death has lost its sting forever

Because You arose, we do not hope in vain

You defeated every evil power

Disarming them all, bearing our guilt and shame

And forever we'll proclaim

Bridge

In Your name there is freedom, life, and peace

In the name above all names

In Your name there is power—darkness flees

At the name above all names

Life on the East Coast

2011-05-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

So, I've spent the week getting settled in and stuff taken care of on campus. Last night I took a break and went into Philly for a concert. My dad's cousin, (I guess my first cousin once removed or something like that...basically we're related.) Doug, is the executive director of a non profit organization called Covenant Mercies that provides relief for African orphans. Last night they had a jazz concert to raise money. My great aunt and uncle graciously paid for me to go and it was a really fun evening. The band that preformed had traveled to Africa with Doug a few years ago and it was neat to hear them share from those experiences. You could tell the group was really close and had such a fun time sharing their talents with us. After the show there was a dessert receptions. So yummy! I finally got back home at 1am. A long night for sure, but a good one.

Today nothing spectacular really happened. I slept in a little bit and then went with a few of the family members I'm staying with to the Farmer's Market. They have it every Saturday morning and I'm excited to go back again. They were selling a lot of plants today, but in the future will have fresh produce. They had a variety of booths- flowers, plants, bread, pastries, a deli, a tea shop...lots of variety and a new experience for me. The market is downtown and I ran in that direction today. I really like the downtown area- lots of boutiques, cafes and restaurants with outdoor seating, ice cream places...You get the idea. I need to go down again to explore and I'll take some pictures so that you can get an idea of what its like. Oh, and they have a running shop! Must investigate that. I have heard that a group meets in the mornings there to go running. I need to look into that as mornings and I don't get along too well. I need some accountability!

Here are a few pictures from the Farmer's Market:

A man was taking requests and playing his guitar and singing. The little kids around him requested Old McDonald and The Farmer in the Dell. It was really cute.

Pretty flowers.

Big tomatoes.

Yummy desserts!

One more thing: Not to brag, but the beach is only an hour and a half away! Hope I have some time to head there once or twice. Oh, and I love the fact that I live in the suburbs and it's in many ways very country like, but Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, TJ Max and Old Navy are only 15 minutes away. The best of both worlds!

Room After Pics

2011-05-21T13:14:00.001-07:00

Well, first of all I have a gorgeous view of the backyard from my room. It is so nice to still feel like I'm in the country even though I'm in town. West Chester is a very wooded area and I've enjoyed running and feeling somewhat like home. I ran down a road yesterday and their was a field full of cattle. Home sweet home!

Pic above: You can kind of see the patio in the back. And it has a fire ring. Not a full fledge country bonfire, but still can roast smores!

Pic above: You can see the side of the screened in porch out back.

Pic above: I think lots of studying will done out here!

And without further ado, my new room. Thanks mom for helping me get it all together. I really like it and it's so comfy and homey.

Just got the bed moved in today. The family I'm staying with had a frame and box spring and found a free mattress too! So grateful!

Closet now full and organized- thanks to my dear mother.

"study" area.

View of my room from the door. (Still with the air mattress for a bed)

View from the bed area.

Left side of the room.

Right side of the room.

Amazing shelf. Very handy and the bins are great. I can hide all my junk and it still looks nice.

So there you have it. I have some things to do yet- change out some pictures in frames etc and things here and there, but it's mostly done. Should serve me well for the year or so that I'm here.

Room Before Pics

2011-05-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

Made it!

2011-05-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow followers...all 2 of you. :) Yesterday my mom, Monte (packed to the brim) and I made the trek to West Chester, PA, where I am attending grad school for my master's of social work degree. It took a little over nine hours, but we weren't in any big hurry. And the amazing thing is that this narcoleptic driver who always gets drowsy after a few hours- 3 at the most, drove the WHOLE way! Granted we stopped a few times, but I did it. It went pretty well despite the rain and constant construction.

I am staying with a family that lives just a few blocks from campus and renting a room from them. We arrived at their house around six last night. and drug everything up to my room. It was nice to spend time with the family last night- they have 2 boys- ages 9 and 13, who were a big help unpacking my car. I sure slept good last night!

Today I slept in and went for a run. It's always fun to run in a new area. The time seems to fly by when you spend most of it lost! Thankfully I made it back to the house in one piece, though those hills threatened to eat me alive. That will take some getting used to. The rest of the day was spent shopping for things for my room and organizing and unpacking. The finished product looks pretty cool. Pictures to come!

Thanks for all your prayers and support. More updates as the adventure begins!

25K River Bank Run in Grand Rapids, MI

2011-05-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well, for the second year in a row I found myself waking up at 4:45am to go run a race. I honestly think there might be a screw or two loose in my brain, but if that's the case, so does Kelly as she's the one that "encourages" me to run these things. Kelly is originally from Grand Rapids area and her parents still live there. So we headed up yesterday to hang out with her parents, relax, eat good food....and oh yeah, run 15.5 miles at the crack of dawn Saturday morning. At the running expo yesterday I found a saying I agree with : My race plan: start off slow and then back off. Kelly and I were hoping to race pretty hard today, but unfortunately we both had off days, so that really was the game plan after about mile 2!

This is us waiting in Starbucks until it was time for us to head to the finish line. When I get nervous my way to cope is to sleep....Well to be honest, when I'm mad, stressed, happy, sad, frustrated, excited...my way to cope is to sleep! Anyway, I was dozing off and on in the back seat on our way to Grand Rapids. Kelly kicked me out of the car when we got there and we made our way to Starbucks in a light rain. I think I have some narcoleptic tendencies and I could not seem to wake up. Long blinks walking and pretty out of it while waiting at Starbucks. Every once in awhile I get in these really sleepy moods and nothing really wakes me up. It was getting closer and closer to starting time and I wasn't snapping out of it. I was really starting to get worried that I was going to start this race half asleep. That would probably be less painful, but a little dangerous! Thankfully I started to wake up and was fully conscious at the starting line.

In fact, I was pretty darn excited. (insert sarcasm here)

The rain pretty much stopped by the time we started and it was pretty muggy. The first half was fairly flat but Kelly and I both had tight and tired legs. We finally started to loosen up and then the second half came- HILLS! I loathe hills, but Kelly says they're good for me, so I deal with it. If you haven't caught the theme, I pretty much do whatever Kelly tells me. :) I don't know if she would agree, but after considerable whining and complaining, I usually comply. Kelly has learned to phrase her questions very carefully. "How many do you want to run? Where do you want to run? Should we start?" will fail every time. All of these will be answered with "none, in my dreams in bed and no" respectively. For as much as I whine, I really do enjoy running and my great friend and running buddy Kelly.

And today we survived a tough race together.

Next up: Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, MN on June 18. You can start praying now!

But seriously, we are thankful for a safe run and that we finished well and without health problems. We were almost finished with the race when an ambulance came up behind us. I looked over to the side and there was a man on the ground and it looked like they were doing CPR on him. It was pretty scary and on my mind quite a bit. Once we got back to the house Kelly looked online and the man had passed away. Kind of put things in perspective and reminds me not to take anything for granted. Hope Kelly and I have many more years of racing together ahead of us.

SELAH ( THROUGH IT ALL )

2011-05-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

18 Years Ago Today...

2011-05-10T17:24:00.000-07:00

Eighteen years ago today...

I was eight years old, wore my pants up way too high, wore super cool rolled over socks and had a haircut that made me look like a boy. A cute little boy, yes, but a boy no less. It's ok to laugh. My mom and I had a good chuckle over this picture.

But something else is significant as well. Eighteen years ago today, I decided to make Jesus Lord of my life.

It's really quite a simple story. I was outside with my mom and dad helping plant spring flowers. I started asking questions about Jesus and was very curious about Him. My mom asked me if I would like to ask Jesus into my heart. I thought that sounded pretty exciting. She called my dad over and we knelt in this very flower bed:

And they led me through a prayer that would forever change my life. On May 10, 1993 I acknowledged that I had sinned and that only by the blood of Jesus Christ, who died for my sins, could I be saved. I asked for him to come into my heart and be the Lord and Savior of my life. I think it's so cool that I became a new creation right there in the flower bed as we were planting flowers.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

Right away I wanted to call my grandparents to tell them about my decision. I was so excited! I vividly remember telling them that I felt so light....like a butterfly!

I think back on that day and smile at my childlike faith. So much has happened since then. There have been many re commitments, mountains and valleys in my walk with Christ. Many times I have returned to yolk of slavery that Christ has freed me from. Low self esteem, poor body image, anxiety, perfectionism...all (and more) have tried to hold me captive. And for many years I let them. My identity was in them. It hasn't been until recently that I have started to realize the freedom that Christ desires for me.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal 5:1) Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory are being transformed into his likeness with every increasing glory, which comes from the Lord. (2 Cor.3:17-18) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom 8:38-39) For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions.(Psalm 103:11-12)

Amen?! That's a lot in one place, but I love the imagery in those verses. It pretty much sums it up! It is a daily struggle to walk in that freedom- free from condemnation, but it is my goal. My relationship with Christ is definitely a journey, one I am humbled to have the opportunity to be a part of. I am so grateful for the hope I have of heaven and eternal life there.

It was such a blessing to be able to sit by my grandpa as he was dying and share with him. I told him that what we were going through was tough and it was hard to say good bye, but I would see him one day. As tears streamed down both of our faces I reassured him that when I was eight years old I had accepted Christ and that one day I would see him again. I teased him that by the time I got there he would have heaven all figured out and give me the grand tour. He smiled and we both sat there in silence for awhile. Me crying and he gently squeezing my hand in comfort. That is a precious memory that I will always hold dear.

And all credit goes to Jesus Christ who died on the cross and made it possible for us to have a personal relationship with Him. We can do nothing to earn it- it is by grace alone that we are saved. A free gift from the Creator of the Universe. Pretty amazing. If you have never made this commitment and experienced the freedom of a relationship with Jesus Christ, please search your heart. If you find yourself ready, let me or someone you trust know. It will be the best decision of your life. It sure was for me!

And one last thing to ponder. I heard the song "Through It All" yesterday and it ties up everything pretty nicely.

I've had many tears and sorrows

I've had questions for tomorrow

There've been times I didn't know right from wrong

But in every situation

God gave blessed consolation

That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places

And I've seen so many faces

But there've been times I've felt so all alone

But in that lonely hour

In that precious, lonely hour

Jesus let me know I was His own

Through it all

I've learned to trust in Jesus

I've learned to trust in God

Through it all

I've learned to depend upon His Word

So I thank God for the mountains

And I thank Him for the valleys

I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through

Cause if I never had a problem

I wouldn't know that He could solve them

I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

My Thoughts on Sleep:

2011-05-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

What Bob Means to Me

2011-05-08T12:40:00.000-07:00

When we were growing up us kids often got stuffy noses. It's always confusing for a kid to understand why they can't breath right. I once asked my mom why my nose was broken. Anyway, as we all know, when your nose is stuffy words don't come out right. Therefore when we yelled "Mom!" for one thing or another it came out as "Bob." You have to know my family, but for some reason (dad) the nick- name stuck. So my poor mother is often still summoned by a resounding "BOB!" Oh what the woman has to put up with! With it being Mother's Day I figured it was fitting to explain what Bob means to me.

Mom is an amazingly strong woman- a strong woman of God, of character and convictions. She always has good, Godly advice for me, even when it's not always what I want to hear. And she's good with the practical stuff too. I don't know how many times she has reminded me to "Stand like a lady, put my shoulders back and be confident. And don't be afraid to flirt!" She loves serving others and I have learned a lot from her servant's heart. And she never shys away from hugs and kisses and "I love you's."

She has been by my side through a lot over the years. Celebrating with me in my achievements and comforting me when I am frustrated, overwhelmed and discouraged. Mom knows what I need even when I don't know it myself. The other week I had a fever and horrible cough. I was traveling to West Chester for orientation that week but didn't think a call to the doctor would do anything. I can be quite stubborn sometimes (wonder who I get that from...) and wouldn't call. My mom, knowing there was no way I could travel feeling the way I did, called the doctor and got a prescription for me. I by no means felt back to normal after I started the meds, but I could function and they definitely helped! Even at 26 years of age, mother's (sometimes) still know best.

And my mom can have some sass too. Don't get me wrong- she is a hard worker and very driven, but she knows how to let her hair down and have fun. Get us 3 girls together and you could have a good times on your hands.

Recently my mom lost both of her parents. Grandpa died at the end of January and Grandma exactly three weeks later. It's been hard, but we have the hope of heaven and know we'll be reunited someday. It makes me so grateful for the Christian heritage I have. I think Mother's Day makes me think of that. It brings to mind all of the strong mothers who have went before me. My great grandma helped shape my grandma into the mother she was. My grandma helped mold my mother into the amazing mom she is and hopefully someday I'll have the opportunity to be a mother and continue the heritage.

I know there are many dysfunctional families and families where the goal is for the cycle to be broken and not continued. The breaking of that cycle can be hard, but the end result is so rewarding. It doesn't matter if this is the first generation of healthy relationships between children and parents or if it's the 10th. What matters is the process has started and will be passed down for generations to come.

Ok, where did all the come from?! Back to what I was saying. Grandma is not here on Earth to share Mother's Day with, so my aunt Brenda, Mom, Dad, Alisha and I biked up to the cemetery to put some flowers on her grave.

Brenda and mom on their "old lady" bikes beating Alisha and I.

Flowers going for a ride.

Dad and Alisha cruising along.

Alisha with her baby seat in the back. You never know when you might come across a baby. It's always good to be prepared!

Flowers in front of Grandpa and Grandma's grave.

My sweet mama "with" her sweet mama.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Adult Clothes

2011-05-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

For the past few years I've worked at NOAH House and Pettisville Grain as well as other misc jobs all of which have a very casual dress code...as in jeans and t-shirts/sweatshirts and sometimes even sweats/athletic shorts. Residents at NOAH House used to ask my why I was "all dressed up" if I wore jeans and a t-shirt. And even church now is really casual and I don't really need anything too dressy. By now you probably have a decent picture of what my closet looks like. But now I'm entering Grad School and thought it might be about time to get some "adult clothes" aka something more professional than froggy boxers and a tank top.

And though cute, these crab ones probably won't work either.

So I've been on a quest to find some professional wear. I've found some really good deals and am working on getting wardrobe basics. I had some Kohl's cash the other day and went shopping with a friend. I found a cute skirt suit and though I'm not a huge skirt person, it looked nice and it was cheap, so I decided to buy it.

The guy who was checking me out was really checking me out. He was nice and friendly but kind of flirting. We were talking as he rang me up. I asked if there was a benefit to using my Kohl's card and he said he'd give me 15% off. Nice! We finished up our conversation and I headed out the door. *Beep! Beep! Beep!* The alarm went off. I smiled, embarrassed and took my bag back to him. He was like "I'm sure I got it off." And looked it all over and shoved it back in the bag. "Just go ahead" he advised. Sounded ok to me, so off we went. I figured it was some security malfunction. The next day I wanted to model my new clothes for my mom. (Let's be honest, you never outgrow the need for mom's approval and praise over new purchases.) I put it on and lo and behold:

Hello Again!

2011-05-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Hello one and all.
Wow! It's been a day or two since I've been on here. I've missed writing and thought this might be a good way to encourage me to spend time expressing my thoughts. I am also moving to West Chester PA in a few weeks. It's a town right outside of Philly and I'll be attending grad school at West Chester University. I've been accepted into their advanced standing social work program which means I'll only be in school for a full calendar year (May '11-May'12) and then be done. I think it's going to be a "hold your breath and go for it" kind of year, but in the end it will hopefully be worth it. So among other random things I think to post about, I'll try keep you updated on what's going on in my life there. I'm excited about starting something new, but also nervous about uprooting and whether I remember anything from undergrad! Oh dear...papers, exams, presentations...is it too late to un-enroll?! I guess I'll just have to try to trust the One who is the same yesterday, today and forever to help me out. So here's to another attempt at blogging and new starts...one that I hope includes Mr. Right...or Mr. Kind of Right...or just a Mr. for all I care right now! haha. :)

In Christ Alone

2009-02-24T12:30:00.000-08:00

Our community has been hit really hard this past year or so with the deaths of some young people. Last week at Bible Study we had a time of prayer for all the families and people affected by these deaths, including some members of our Bible Study. It was a really good time of sharing and grieving together, which I think is so important. Death is not a fun subject to discuss- it's emtional and messy. Not exactly a warm fuzzies kind of discussion, but it is so necesarry. It is how we process and eventually heal. Anyway, at the end of our prayer time, I read some of the lyrics of In Christ Alone. The whole song is powerful, but the last stanza is especially meaningful considering the past year.

No guilt in life, no fear in death-
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home-
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

AMEN! I can't read those lyrics without getting chills. Such truth. God is in control. Nothing happens outside of His will and I am secure in His hand. May this encourage you today.

Uncle, God, Uncle!

2009-02-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like God is giving you too much to carry? His word says he will never give us more than we can bear (with His help), but sometimes I feel like he gets mighty close to my limit. And I know that is where His strength comes in and that I can handle much more than I think I can with the help of God. But so many times I feel like screaming UNCLE! I'm done. I can't take more! If one more thing happens I am going to collapse under the grief, the pain and the hurt. It is during these times of trial that I am so greatful for the relationship I have with God. I don't know how people could handle the pain of life without Him to lean on. There would be utter despair. Even on the darkest of days, with God's strength I hold on to my faith- sometimes only by a thread, but it's still there.
I have come to a point in my faith walk where I see that power in being real with God. I used to think I had to walk around all the time with a big smile and say all the nice Christian things...but let's be honest, sometimes we don't feel like that cheery Christian. Sometimes we feel angry, hurt, grief...and God wants to know that. He's a big God, He can take it! I think of friendships I have and the ones that are superficial are the ones I smile and pretend everything is ok. It's my true friends that I open up to about my deepest hopes, fears and emotions. And that is the kind of relationship I want to have with God. One of open communication. One of genuiness and realness.
There are many times that I cry out to Him in anguish. And I'm shaking my fists and crying and yelling and pretty much having an all out temper tantrum. "Why God? I don't understand! I can't do it anymore!" And, like a parent, He waits on me to finish. "Are you done yet?" I can imagine Him asking. And He patiently waits until I am. Once I am through and quieted He comes and surrounds me. I still have questions. I still have hurts and sadness, but I am at peace in the arms of my Father. And He loves me enough to wait out my temper tantrums, to be patient until I am ready to hear what He has to say. Nothing I ever say or do can separate me from the love of God. So while I never want to be irreverant, I can have my fit and know He'll be waiting for me. And it is in those times that my faith grows and matures and our friendship grows and matures.

What a wonderful Savior
What wonderful maker
How majestic Your whisper
And how humble Your love

Perfectly Beautiful

2009-02-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this picture. It is a postcard I bought in Guatemala and I have it taped up on my door with the words Perfectly Beautiful underneath. When I look at her I don't see the missing teeth, the wrinkles, the plumpness, I see her joy and her heart and she is gorgeous. This is true beauty.

True Beauty

2009-02-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day/Singles Awareness Day!

So for me, today is just another day. No one "special" to share it with, no romantic dinner or flowers or chocolate (though many of my married friends say they don't get any special treatment on V Day either, but I can hope, right?). In fact, tonight I will probably be drinking a glass of wine alone in my room, watching old episodes of Seinfeld. I'm not asking for pity. I'm learning to be content at the place in life God has me right now...But I sometimes wonder about why I don't have a boyfriend...or for that matter, why I've only had one boyfriend (for a whole 3 months) in all my almost 24 years of life. And sometimes as I go down that dangerous path, I wonder if it's because I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not...enough. Oh, I definitly have enough- enough fat, enough hips (and these hips don't lie!), but I am lacking what the world thinks is beautiful.
I see the magazines as I walk past the aisles in stores- How can you miss them? "Drop 10 Pounds Without Trying" "Lustrous Hair in Minutes" "5 Easy Steps to Flawless Skin" "8 Hot Ways to Turn Him On"...and so on. And the women on the cover...I know they have been air-brushed and nipped and tucked, but I look at them and sigh. And in the back of my mind, Satan plants a little lie- "If you looked like that all your problems would be solved." "You'll never be that beautiful. Might as well give up." "No one will ever love you just the way you are." And the one that is most powerful "You are NOT enough!" Who I am, who God has made me, is not enough. I need products and steps and a new personality and tricks and to know how to flirt and...and...the list goes on and on. And I spend and I try and try...trying to be enough. At least trying to make my outward appearance be enough. Because let's face it, everyone preaches how the inside is what counts, but what do guys see first? What first attracts them? I'll tell you what- a size 4 with a tight butt in a mini skirt, 32 D boobs with plenty of clevage, long flowing blonde hair and a smile that makes them melt...Now is that that kind of attention I want. Of course not. Is that why I want a guy to talk to me? Not really. Will that attraction last? Probably not. But is there part of me that still longs for that? Sure thing. Because like it or not, a woman that looks like that will turn heads and guys will notice. Maybe for the wrong reasons, but it's true. I'm just being honest. I trust and believe that there is a guy out there for me who will look at me for more than my outward appearance, but that's what they are going to notice first.
So anyway, I keep trying to make myself beautiful enough. It never happens, so I give up. Wear my hair in a ponytail, put on my sweats, no makeup...My philosophy- "Why wait to let myself go when I'm in my 40's. I'm going to start now!" Now that isn't really true, but the worldly standard of beauty is so high. I know I'll never reach it. And sometimes I get so discouraged. I so want that man in my life. I so want to be beautiful to someone. To help me keep things in prespective, I have a verse on my bathroom mirror.

I Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should NOT come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Wow! You don't see too many articles in magazines about that. My beauty should come from the inside, not from outside stuff. Worldly beauty fades away, but your inner beauty can always increase in beauty. To have a gentle and quiet spirit...to work on my inner beauty...that's difficult. I can try to beautify my body, but God doesn't care about that. Sure he wants me to take care of the temple, that is His, but what he is looking at is my spirit, my attitude, how I treat others...how I treat myself. To God this verse defines true beauty. That is what I should strive and pray for. And that is why it's on my bathroom mirror. So when I'm looking at myself and seeing all my flaws, my mind and thoughts will be redirected toward Christ and his definition of beauty, not the worlds. It is so so hard, but I know that someday I will meet my puzzle piece (the man who will complete me) and he will love me for my inner beauty. To have him say that I have fulfilled God's defintion of beauty would mean so much to me- that I have an inner beauty, a gentle and quiet spirit, a woman who's worth is in Christ, not in the world.
So on this day that I could get all depressed about my lack of love life, I choose to put on my sweats, pour a glass of wine and laugh at my favorite Seinfeld characters. And I'm okay with that.

LOOOOOOOOOOOONG Time!

2009-02-11T13:26:00.001-08:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I've even looked at my blog site, let alone written something. I doubt anyone reads this much anyway, but I have just become part of a blogging community and I guess I should have something for people to read. :) Not only that, I miss the outlet writing is for me and I am hoping to update more frequently and take time to nurture the gift of writing God has given me. Making the time is hard, especially with the new job I have. I am one for 3 staff members at a local home for the homeless called NOAH House. We just opened in October and it has been a steady stream of craziness since! I live at the house and so making time for myself and using my time wisely are huge challenges for me. More about my new job later, but God is definitely teaching me and stretching me- I feel very much like Gumby most of the time. It can be tiring, but very rewarding. So this is my attempt to do more reflecting and spend my time productively on the internet. Hope others benefit from it as well. If nothing else, it will be good for me!

2008-10-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

Beautiful death
Full of color and brillance
Yet dead and needing released
Letting go
Falling down
Raked up
Burned in flames

Beautiful death
Preparing for a new season
The old has gone
The new has come
Release what is dead
Embrace the buds of new life

i'm reposting this poem, but thought it was fitting for this time of year. i love fall...the apple cider, candy corn, pumpkin pie...or maybe i just love fall foods. :) but i also enjoy the smells, the crisp weather, the spectacular fall colors. it's a time of harvesting and seeing tractors and wagons hauling to and from the grain elevator (especially if it is to and from pettisville grain co, where i'm working for my dad this fall). combines in the field, raking leaves, picking apples, carving pumpkins...last fall i was in the city and yes, it was still pretty, but not the same as fall in the country, in a small rural town. this is home and i'm thourouly enjoying experiencing fall here.

excpet it means winter is coming and the cool crisp air will soon turn to bone chilling, put on your parka, teeth chattering cold, but i choose not to think about that. fall is also a symbol of death. everything dies in preparation for the long winter. and i guess that's kind of depressing, but like the poem says, things must die to make room for the new. sometimes we have to let things go, let them die, so that in it's place can grow something new, alive and wonderful. i'm trying to think of things that i hold on to, things that God might be asking me to let die so that he can grow something else. what do i need to let go of so God can grow me...?

Life is a Dance

2008-09-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

Life is a dance
Busy, crazy, constantly spinning
No set pattern
Random movements
No day ever the same
Music keeps getting faster
Legs move frantically
Trying to keep up
You wait, hope for the dance to end
For a break, a slow song
Where you can relax
Catch your breath
But it never comes
Only move moves
Faster music
Life is a dance
Busy, crazy, constantly spinning

The STRUCTURE of My Man

2008-09-28T18:40:00.001-07:00

* i ran across this one too. i thought it was funny even though i'm still waiting for my man...
notice the brand names used

The STRUCTURE of My Man

Wanted:
A man in a JIFFY
Who will DIAL my number
And SHOUT my name
Who doesn't keep SECRETS
And will EXPRESS his true feelings
Who flows with the TIDE
And will always SNUGGLE
Who will Pledge no GAP between us
And make me feel ALIVE
With all his LIP SMACKERS
Who can make me feel like 100 GRAND
And whose love is not LIMITED
Oh, and you don't have to be MR. CLEAN
Just use FEBREEZE

Heaven

2008-09-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

* wrote this one in high school, but i still like it

Heaven

When everything is spinning
And nothing seems for sure
When life isn't fun anymore
And there are more tears than smiles
When I am sinking
And have nothing to hold onto
He pulls me up from the miry clay
And gives me a firm place to stand
Once I'm standing
I lift my eyes to the sky
I see the clouds breaking
And the sunlight pouring through
Like the heavens opening
It reminds me again of my salvation
And that my trials are only temporary
That someday Christ will return
And carry me up to heaven
Where there will be no more tears or sorrow
It is that hope that gets me through

random

2008-09-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

* so i haven't written in a long time, but i thought i'd post a few backdated items...so this will be random...what else is new :)

New Shoes Reflection

(from venezuela)

Today I noticed two unusually things as I walked to the church. The one was hard to miss as I nearly got hit by a motorcycle…on the sidewalk. The other was less obvious but equally interesting. A young man on the corner of the sidewalk was in the process of taking two plastic bags off his feet. I subtly stopped and stared for a second and underneath the bags he was wearing a new pair of Nikes. He obviously want4ed to keep them looking new…but honesty I question his sanity. He’d rather walk around with two bags on his feet (that didn’t even match) than dirty his new “sports” shoes? I, for one, find great delight in dirtying new shoes. As soon as I can I find a big mud puddle to jump in for a good and proper initiation. You see, you can’t just go around with new shoes looking new- they need stories…character. Take running for example. You show up at a race and the competitions looks me over- starting with the head, of course. They see the makings of a find runner and their insides begin to quake….until they get to the shiny, branspankin’ new shoes. It is then that all your credibility and prestige vanish- thrown right out the window. No one who’s a real runner wears shoes like that. You are reduced to amateur status and not taken seriously. Some veteran runners, who shoes look like they’ve been through hell and back, even have the audacity to ask if this is your first race, but you can’t really be offended because you were the idiot who wore new shoes that looked new…that couldn’t possibly have stories or character. Even if your shoes are new, dirty ‘em up good n’ proper before any major event. Then, even if you just bought them last week, you can boast “Yup, wore these when I ran a PR a couple months back,” or “Well, the left heel fell of in ’92, but I’ve been gluing it back on ever since and it’s good as new.” …Which it is, but by the looks of your shoes, they’ll never know that…

Whole

2008-05-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

*written soon after we got back from our vacation in Gran Sabana, where we saw and swam in beautiful waterfalls. this is one of the things God brought to my mind as i watched the water splash over the edge.

Whole

I am weak, thirsty, dry and cracked
I have no energy, no strength

In the distance I hear water
Oh for a drop of water
Oh for an ounce of liquid
To wet my tongue
To revive my spirit
I crawl
Slowly
Painfully
The sound becomes louder
More powerful, more intense
I can hardly move fast enough
I peer through the brush
And before me is a magnificent waterfall
Water…rushing with life
Cascading
Gushing
Splashing
Over the rocks
A force like no other
I sit at the edge,
the mist hitting my face
Then I hear a voice
“Why, my daughter, do you lie thirsty and dry in the desert when this is what I have for you? Why do you run from my mercy, my promises, my love? I want to pour them out over you. I have so much more for your life. Yet you are content with a sprinkle, a mist. I want to flood you with love, mercy and my truths. I want you to stand under my overflowing grace, to feel my power, to be overwhelmed by my strength. Get up, my daughter. Muevete! Experience all I have for you. Soak up my never ending shower of blessings.”

I slowly move from my rock in the mist and walk toward the immense wall of water. As I stand beneath its rushing force, I instantly feel peace, love and forgiveness. The living water drenches me from head to toe. The pressure brings me to my knees and I bow before my Father. I lift up my head as water mixed with tears stream down my face. I raise my hands high in victory. I feel refreshed, revived.
I am no longer weak, I am strong in Him
My thirst has been quenched by His love
Instead of dryness, I am soaked in His grace
drenched in His promises
The living water has filled my cracks and made me whole

soar

2008-04-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

this poem was written a few days after my cousin's husband passed away. david was only 23 and graduated with me from high school. my cousin rachel is only 21. your prayers are appreciated during this rough time.

SOAR

When the hurt is deeper than the ocean floor
And the pain takes your breath away
When you have no strength to stand
And can only slowly crawl
Crawl into the arms of the Father
Crawl into His embrace
He will engulf you with His love

When your world is shaking
And you can’t find steady ground
When you feel yourself slipping
And in your weakness fall
Fall at the feet of Jesus
Fall before His throne
He will pick you up

When your voice is raw from crying
And you don’t know what to pray
When you want to scream in anguish
And can only weakly whisper
Whisper the name of Jesus
Whisper a cry for help
He will answer your call

When the waves come crashing
And you find yourself tossed around
When you feel like you’re drowning
And in desperation grasp and reach
Reach up to the Father
Reach up to Him in faith
He will extend His hand

When you feel so all alone
And like no one knows your pain
When the memories flood your mind
And you miss his hand to hold
Hold on to the Truth
Hold on to His promises
He will never leave you

When the road is long and hard
And you’re weary of the journey
When the promise of heaven seems distant
And you long to soar above
Soar above the storm
Soar on wings like eagles
He will carry you

Putting New Meaning to Verses

2008-02-22T10:49:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on a rock, overlooking the Carribean sea, watching the waves and flipping through my Bible. I stumbled upon Pslam 93:

The Lord reigns, he is robed in majesty;

the Lord is robed in majesty

and is armed with strength.

The world is firmly established;

it cannot be moved.

Your throne was established long ago;

you are from all eternity.

The seas have lifted up, O Lord,

The seas have lifted up their voice;

the seas have lifted up their pounding waves

Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,

mightier than the breakers of the sea-

the Lord on high is mighty

Your statutes stand firm

holiness adorns your house

for endless days, O Lord

wow- a pretty cool verse to think about as I watched the waves crash against the coastline of aruba. Little did I know that the very next day these verses would take on a very new meaning.

Our group went exploring the next day and in our adventures found a bunch of rocks to climb along the edge of the ocean. The waves were powerful and splashed over the edge of the rocks, soaking us. It is here that the picture from the previous post was taken. It was an awesome experience to listen to the waves slam against the rocks, to feel the strong wind whip my hair. I stood in silence, in awe of the power of God. We were coming down from a rock look out point and i remembered the verse from the day before and told my group that i needed to read them a verse when we got back. I then ventured out to a pool of water surrounded by rocks, a short distance from the rest of the group. (see picture) i stood there and watched the waves and felt quite safe as there was only a little mist hitting me where i stood. i let my mind drift as i took in the beauty. Then without warning reality came crashing in as a giganteous wave slammed over the rock in front of me with such force that i was knocked down on my butt. I was trying to get up and get out of the pool, that was surrounded by rocks. But before i could get my bearings, another huge wave came crashing, pulling me under the water and slamming me against the rocks in back of me. I don't really remember all of what happened. i remember being under water and feeling panicky as i felt my body being pulled out toward the ocean and that's about it. i was able to raise my head above the water and brett was there and helped me get out of the water. I had minor scratches, was a little sore and amazingly enough, had managed to hold on to my flip flops.

There is no natural reason i shouldn't have hit my head on the rocks and been knocked unconscious or been seriously injured- i was surrounded by jagged rocks. There is no explaination as to how i was not pulled further out into the ocean and slammed around by more waves in the rock pools- there was nothing for me to hold on to, nor do i remember grabbing anything. This cannot be explained by human understanding or science or anything like that. The only explaination there is is that God was watching out for me. He held onto me and did not let me slip (Pslam 121:3- He will not let your foot slip). He kept me in a spot where Brett could help me get out. He protected me from serious injury. He even cared enough about me that i held on to my silly flip flops during the whole ordeal. I experienced the power of the waves that day, but i also experienced the power of God which is far greater than the waves. The waves had no power in comparison.

After i got dried off and settled down, Brett said our new ministry should be putting new meaning to verses. :) i don't think i recommend that, but Psalm 93 definetly has new meaning for me and my life. Praise the Lord for HIS amazing power and protection!

FREE

2008-02-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

I am FREE in Christ. Sin has no hold on me. I am not chained down by my past. Christ has freed me. Not that I could free myself...it's by nothing that I have done, it is Christ who has worked in me and freed me from my pain, my strongholds, my chains. I can raise my hands and scream from the mountain tops: " I AM FREE! SATAN DOES NOT HAVE A HOLD ON ME!" Praise the Lord! Claim it! Believe it! Rest in the knowledge that if you are in Christ, he has freed you and wants you to live in that freedom.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM! 2 corinthians 3:17

Light in the Dark

2008-01-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

* I wrote this when i was flying home from training this fall and we were landing at night and i saw all the clumps of lights. Matt 5:14-16 came to mind as well.

You know in the Bible where it says to light your candle and let it burn for everyone to see
Well I did that
I have my pretty light ablaze
I'm shining
"Hey, God, do you see me?" I ask
"Yes, my child, I do..." He sighs
"But you don't seem pleased," I question, confused as to why he isn't excited and proud of me.
"My child, your light is shinning but you are surrounded by so many lights."
"What do you mean?
"You hang out with your light filled friends, sit at your light filled church, attend your light filled bible studies...you, my dear, are always surrounded by light."
"But isn't that a good thing," I insist.
"Yes, but all the light is clumped together," he explains. "It moves together, and it does move, but always together. The voltage it puts out is intense and good, but now what I ask."
"What do you ask?"
"My child, I ask you to break off, break out, shine your light in the dark."
"But the dark is so scary...and lonely..."
"That's why I need you there- once there is light it's not scary and once I am there it's no longer lonely. Go, my daughter."
I take a step back from the comfortable blaze of light
I creep along, timid steps
Guarding my light
It seems so little all alone
This is new territory
But I sense I am not alone
I walk for a while, with only my light to guide me
"Ok God, is that good?" I question, hoping I've fulfilled my requirement. " I can go back now...right...?"
"Why yes...it's a good good start, but I want you over there."
I glance in the direction he's pointing.
"Over there!" I exclaim. "But that's a dark alley...that's too dark...I don't think it's a good idea, God."
He chuckles "You don't, do you..Well, I do and that's pretty much all that matters. And that's where I want you. You can go Johah your way there of go willingly."
I realize there's no sense in arguing with the Big Guy.
"Ok God, but you gotta come too."
He sighs "My child, if you are going there I am as well because I am always with you. Where you go, I go."
"Oh yeah...sorry...I forgot...again...So, into the dark alley, huh?"
"Yes my child, in the dark alley."
I approach hesitantly
But as I do my light start to grow
It pierces the darkness
And what I see breaks my heart
a woman of the night in the corner
a mother huddles with her children
a drunk man, passed out on the ground
Pain, heartache, emptiness...darkness
Tears fill my eyes
"This is why I want you here," the Father whispers. "These people need my light. It is for the least of these that I came."
Quietly I walk further in to the alley and the Father and I get to work.

Be All I Need

2008-01-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

* i wrote this during the 3 day fast Shalom held at the first of this month. see our team blog for more details, but i was feeling weak and tired and realized how seldom i feel that way, how seldom i rely on God for my strength. this is my prayer for Him to show His power in my weakness.

The Lord upholds all those you fall and lifts up all those who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

Sometimes I get confused
And think I am the strong tower
I look to myself for strength
I am stubborn

"I can do it!" I say
And shout "I am strong!"
"I don't need help!" I insist
But those are all lies

Lord, bring me to my knees
Break me so I can be rebuilt
Rebuilt in Your image
And not my own

When I am weak, You are strong
But for You to be strong
I must admit I'm weak
Weaken me so I rely on You

For the place of greatest strength
Is not standing upright
But facedown on the ground
Seeking You

Be all I need Lord
When I am strong
When I am weak
When I am surrounded
When I am alone
Be my bread
My breath
Be all I need

Refuge

2008-01-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

* i wrote this around the same time as the previous poem, as in my grief i sought refuge in christ

Refuge
a shelter from the storm
a shield from the rain
a place you feel peace
a place you feel calm
Refuge
a strong, mighty tower
a grand sanctuary
a place to be me
a place to be real
Refuge
a compassionate heart
an engulfing embrace
a place to gain faith
a place to gain strength
Refuge
a might, outstretched hand
a strong branch to save you
a place to cry out
a place to cry praise
Regure
a lighthouse on the shore
a rock on higher ground
a place you are safe
a place you are free
Refuge
a cross on Calvary
a blood shed for me
a place of great light
a place of great love

God is our refuge and strength, an everpresent help in troubel. Psalm 46:1

Welcome home

2008-01-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

* i wrote this after my parent's best friends 17 year old daughter was killed in car accident. i don't know if it's biblically right, but it's how i envision heaven.

She feels herself fading, floating
Brilliant light surrounds her
A Voice beckon
"Do not fear, my daughter
Follow the light"
She obeys, lets go
And embraces the glow

Her feet touch streets of gold
Glorious music fills her ears
The brillance of it all overwhelms her
And she shields her eyes
But the Voice beckons again
"Look around, my child
This is the place I have prepared for you."

She looks up and sees a host of heavenly beings
Praising Him and chanting
"Holy Holy Holy"
There is an air of reverence
But of joy as well
No more pain
No more crying

The angels part
And she sees God, sitting on His throne
He looks at her with love in his eyes
And warmly says "Welcome home Hollis"
She now understands why
Why one day in His courts
Is better than thousands elsewhere

And she can't help herself
The energy is contagious
She must praise Him
She begins to dance
Enclothed in white she swirls and twirls
She sings with all her heart
Praises to her Maker, her Father, her Daddy

She is free
She is safe
She is home

Grumpies

2008-01-12T14:25:00.000-08:00

Grumpies

There are grumpies inside of me
Their cause I do not see
But they have invaded my thoughts and head
And even come into my bed
They like to whipser lies
And I'm pretty sure they send out spies
To see how to best make me grumpy
Even when life's not bumpy

There are grumpies inside of me
Their cause I still do not see
For other people's sake
I will not stay awake
I will crawl into my bed
And pray they leave my head
I pray that God will take them away
And in my body they will not stay

There are grumpies inside of me
Their cause I have yet to see
I let them dictate my life
And cut people down like a knife
My grumpies tell me what to do
I need to tell them "Shoo!"
There are grumpies in me you see
But the problem's not you, it's me!

Surrender

2008-01-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

Dreams, rights, pride, my heart
How do I surrender that to You?
Why does it scare me?
Why can't I let go?
Why will I not trust?
I can't sacrifice
Yet you sacrificed your life
I won't surrender
Yet you surrendered to the cross
I want to
Yet i fear...

** Thanks to God, i have come a long way since i wrote this poem in early fall. surrender still is a daily struggle though and an area i need to continually work on and grow in.

Hold Me

2008-01-12T14:18:00.001-08:00

* written during training this fall as i struggled to surrendor and submit to God

Hold Me

Hold me in Your arms Father
Don't let me run
Lead me to Your son
Even when I squirm
May your grasp be firm

Hold me in Your arms Father
Hold on to me so tight
Hold mw with all your might
I like to go my way
Forgive me when I stray

Hold me in Your arms Father
Though now I feel far apart
Let me hear Your heart
Embrace me with your love
Sent from up above

Hold me in Your arms Father
When I throw in the towel
And approach you with a scowel
WHen I don't listen to what you say
And continue to run away

Hold me in Your arms Father
Cross the widening cap
Pull me up into your lap
Help me desire you
Make my heart brand new

Beautiful Death

2008-01-12T14:16:00.001-08:00

Written during fall this year as i looked at the fall leaves and thought about my life

Beautiful death
Full of color and brillance
Yet dead and needing released
Letting go
Falling down
Raked up
Burned in flames

Beautiful death
Preparing for a new season
The old has gone
The new has come
Release what is dead
Embrace the buds of new life

Random

2008-01-12T14:15:00.001-08:00

Clouds breaking
Sun bursting through
Illuminating the dark
Rays of hope
Beacons of light
Shine down on me

I will Choose

2008-01-12T14:10:00.000-08:00

This is a poem i wrote after i found out that a girl in my church who had been battling cancer for a year or so had taken a turn for the worse and was now terminal. she has since gone to live in heaven...

I Will Choose
My heart hurts
My soul aches
Questions fill my mind
Unrest is within me

I don't understand Your ways
I don't know why things happen
At times I just don't get You
And I don't always like Your plans

Daddy, why do people hurt?
Abba, why so much pain?
I have no answers...

But I will choose to stand
To stand on the foundation of your promises
Satan will not have a foothold
Evil will not prevail

I will choose to trust
Even when I don't feel You
When I don't get it
And life is painful

I will choose to have faith
To see through the darkness
Though it looms near
I will walk in the light

I will choose You

Hola

2008-01-12T14:05:00.000-08:00

Hola from venezuela! so over the past few months i've started writing again and thought maybe you'd enjoy seeing some of the words God has given me to express myself. mostly it will be poems and some other random stuff, but i might put up a few pictures and videos from venezuela as well.